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Recursion Studio - Shipping March/April 2024

Dimensional construct 389N7/J (aka Glooby-J) dropped his mac & cheese into the transponder rift, fucking everything up.  It took us a minute to re-calibrate the rift, but we now have everything up and running again.  The Recursion Studio now has an official release date of March/April 2024.  Our thoughts go out to the family of Glooby-J, who was thrown into a vat of acid for his incompetence. 

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Recursion Studio - System Overview

We have recently phased our representatives into your dimension in order to provide visual information for you about our Recursion Studio.  Below you will find video content demonstrating system capabilities, in the tube form your species seems to be fond of.    

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Mysterious actor shorts boltzman’s constant for 1.8 trillion space dollars, destabilizing fundamental constant futures market.

  In a move sure to be recorded in the laser archive, the Boltzmann constant has fallen prey to speculative activity, experiencing a nose dive with no end in sight.  Trouble has already begun to spread through the rest of the fundamental constants sector as a result, with both the fine structure constant and 2 of the Yukawa coupling constants displaying some notable instability as well, troubling developments for the structural integrity of hadronic matter.    Though the entity behind this act remains unknown, theres no shortage of speculation and rumor.  Entropy & Sons has dispatched reporters to Rectangular Potential Barrier St to investigate.   "You just have to follow the money.  This has all the classic signs of a move by...

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Neptune stolen!

  In a move sure sure to surprise nobody, Neptune has yet again been stolen.  It's become something of a favored past time for students at the sectors local community college to abscond with the planet and to post selfies of themselves with the celestial object in compromising and provocative poses over the galactic net.   Local authorities had hoped that the college students would have learned their lesson & left well enough be after the debacle of the most recent attempt, where a rescue crew had to be called in after a group of highly inebriated students had fallen down the planets gravity well.  But their hopes seem to have been dashed this morning when a local observatory reported the planet's absence. ...

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Google Launches Attack Squadron on Amazon Prime IV

  Once again, the Google metaintelligent hyper-corporation has returned to active hostilities with its age old rival, The People's Republic of Amazon.  A squadron of topologically neutral attack drones was detected on the subspace grid last Tuesday leaving from the nearby Proxmia Centauri system where the Google Brain resides.  The drones appear to be on a direct intercept course with the republic's homeworld of Amazon Prime IV, and should be arriving within days. Such a measure of open hostilities is likely not intended to provoke full scale confrontation between the two parties, but is more likely intended to be just another component of the ongoing negotiations around the accusations of copyright infringement levied against the republic.  In particular, the Google hyper-corporation is acting as spokesperson...

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